Make Me Feel Again
by StarryOwlEyes
Summary: This is a 'what if' from Center of the Sun, and between Alec and Jem...yes Jem. Its fanfic right?  .  Its dirty, its sexy, its a pure angst LEMON. I just wanted to post this as one big scene for my friends. Warning: Sex. Dirty. Hot. Sex. La-la-lemon.


**Let me first begin saying that I do not in anyway shape or form ship Alec/Jem. Malec all the way. However, in my story Center of the Sun this scene happens when Magnus has broken Alec's heart, and Jem (who I couldn't help put in) was there to put it back together again. So think of this only with an open mind, and flat out smut. The 'Lemon' doesn't happen in the story, this is the 'what if it had' part. Enjoy. This is purely for entertainment, and I own NOTHING of these two the Queen Cassandra Clare does.**

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><p><strong>H<strong>ot water burned his skin until there was nothing left of the horrid ache of feeling so dirty. Never, had he felt he could properly get clean, and would often scratch at his skin until the vessels beneath burst an ugly blue beneath his almost transparent flesh. For weeks he had been like this—destroyed, devoured, and completely hopeless with the sorrow that ached inside his chest. Alec had learned to wear his masks well, and often felt as if he could take his emotional faces off to hang them on the walls along side the ever smiling. For the world he was happy, content, and devoted to this nation. However, behind the curtain he had fallen apart, and now in the steaming room of his suite he hardly noticed the blood running down his fingertips.

_It would be easy_, he thought, _No body would know until it's too late._ The blood would run away with the water, and he would not leave a mess. Alec looked down to where his nail had scratched over the vein of his wrist, and started to look further into his surroundings for a way out. He felt himself breaking over and over again while his fingers shakily went for the razor that was rusted forgotten in the corner.

Alec ran his hand down his face sobbing into it, wanting nothing more then to let it all go. He didn't want to feel so dirty anymore. He didn't want to feel as though he had to give in. He was going to be responsible for the death of hundreds, and he felt guilty for only caring about one. The media had picked up on what the girl had said so carelessly in the park, and story after story ran with his downfall.

The light of the windows there in the bathroom was flooding the room with the rich pure overcast light that made him feel as though he were in a hospital. Nothing seemed familiar anymore, and deep down he was going crazy. He had lost his mind, and felt Hodge's fingers on him probing his body until he couldn't breath. He felt Magnus' hands trying to sooth, but at the same his betrayal had come just as strong.

_I can't do this anymore_, Alec sobbed turning his wrist over, and the blue vein beneath his pale skin throbbed. The water drowned out all the sound, save for his heartbeat, and with it he wouldn't hear the gentle footfalls of his friend. He didn't hear Jem stepping out of his shoes, nor the way he opened the glass door. All Alec felt was his cool calm hands touch his naked back and slide around his hips. He let his head fall back, and lowered it against Jem's still clothed shoulder, and his hands went slack to his sides while his back pressed to Jem's chest. Still he cried, despite the fingers that slowly made their way to his hands, and where one tangled with his own the other would remove the razorblade from Alec's palm.

Alec turned into Jem's chest, and the white haired youth wrapped his arms around him not carrying of the water that was soaking his clothes. He held the Prince against him swaying softly like a tall oak deeply rooted to the earth, but willing to bend to accommodate the wind.

"I can't feel anything anymore." Alec whispered against Jem's shoulder, his face buried in his neck, "Make it stop, Jian…please make it go away." His voice was pathetic on his pale pink lips, and when Jem brought his thin fingers to touch Alec's hair he returned with words as soft as sweet whispers.

"I don't know what else I can do for you, Alec. I have tried everything." He was a healer, and deep down it broke him to not be able to fix this one thing. No amount of his studies could mend a broken heart, nor was there a pill he could prescribe to make it all go away. The only true medicine was time, and the only instant cure was Magnus. However, Jem worried that without that love, Alec would die.

Alec closed his eyes when Jem ran his fingers through his hair, but straightened his stance to tower over the white haired youth once again. When he opened his eyes he felt his heart swell seeing the way the water ran over the ink black lashes of his friend, and felt his heart burn with desire. Alec had never realized how much shorter Jem was, or how sturdy his body was until he felt strength hold him as if he were afraid to let go. His desire ran hot, and his desperation clear. Alec was willing to do anything to feel again.

"Kiss me…" Alec whispered, and Jem's breath caught in his chest while his thin fingers came to touch Alec's chest. He opened his eyes to look at the Prince, and was suddenly jealous of the water that was rolling between them. Jem felt Alec's arms tighten around him, and he pulled him closer while his fingers tangled in his soaked clothes. Jem knew there wasn't anyway out of this embrace, and somewhere…deep inside him, he didn't want to leave it. Alec reminded him of William so much sometimes it hurt. Their eyes were the same color, and both blessed with silken black hair that fell around their faces like faint shadows. Will was taller then Alec, but the Prince held strength in his body that Will never had. The sickness had set in too soon.

Alec studied Jem, and found it beautiful with the way a small blush colored his face. He loved the way his fingers curled over his own bare chest, and the way he could almost feel his nerves tightening in his stomach. The water in the shower had long gone cold, and quietly Jem pressed into Alec to reach around him to turn off the water.

"You are shivering," Alec whispered closer now he could feel his own breath catching as Jem pressed his cheek against his pale lips, and held it there while he closed his eyes.

"You do not want this, Alec." Jem whispered as he trailed the tips of his fingers over the smooth skin of Alec's chest, and he curled in further to the Prince. Alec couldn't tell if Jem shivered from his wet clothes, or from the nerves that fired timidly through his body. Whatever it was, Alec held him tighter, and brought one hand to cup Jem's face before parting his lips to whisper in the damp strands of moonlit silver,

"I don't know what I want anymore." He started with so much conviction in his voice, and Jem wondered if there was a part of him still trying to convince himself he was even awake, "I'm so lost, Jian..." Water still slowly fell over Alec's brow, but Jem didn't need him to open his eyes to know those were tears washing away to the drain, "Please." He begged, and bent his head to press his lips against Jem's own.

Jem ran his frail fingers over Alec's thin face, his warm palms cupped either side before his thumb brushed over his pale lips, and finally he tipped forward on this toes in an attempt to reach Alec's kiss. At first Alec stood frozen, searching for the familiar, while living in the way his heart started to pound again. He could feel Jem's pulse when his cool hands came to collect around his neck, and could feel his breath warm against his neck as it chased away the chills, while fire burned spine. He felt his fingers tighten around Jem's hips, and his thin boney sides gave way to a lovely dip that Alec figured a hand to perfectly fit. The distance felt strange, awkward, and both of them hesitant on where to go next. Jem was so much shorter then Alec, that when he stumbled on the tips of his toes, Alec was there to catch him with arms that could hold back the sea, and finally their lips came together.

Jem gasped against Alec's lips, and when he pressed his hands to Alec's chest his body spoke of what they shouldn't, while his lips wrote sonnets against Alec's skin. He felt as though he needed something to hold onto, to cry out into, or something even to pull them apart. He felt dizzy, weak, and heated despite the way his body shivered. Alec was everything a young man should be, and Jem would have lied if he didn't enjoy his kiss. However, he couldn't help being reminded of the way William came home after his wild nights this desperate, and wondered if Alec was thinking of Magnus too.

Magnus was all Alec ever thought about.

Alec thought of how much taller his lover had been, at how it was his neck that was bent back as his lips caressed his own, and how his body was the one pressed against every curve while he fed on the innocent being beneath him. He thought of how easy he went into submission with Magnus, and he thought of their first kiss. The club lights, and the music all came back in a blur. They had been the only two in a room full of strange faces, but here alone with Jem, Alec felt as though even the walls would talk.

A low moan escaped Jem's lips that tasted of honey, and Alec inhaled sharply to catch his breath up with his heart. Jem's skin smelled of sweet jasmine, and even through his wet clothes he could feel how youthful he remained. He was like an innocent flower, which far too often was rumored of his plucking, but here in his arms Alec wondered if anyone had ever kissed Jem like this. It was as if he was radiating the warm glow of the pale moon from his skin as he hummed against Alec's kiss.

Alec was furious of the distance between them, and forced Jem to back out of the shower. Never once would their lips part, but when the marble wall found them Alec lifted his partner to the polished stone countertop of the grand bathroom. The motion forced Jem's legs to wrap around his hips, and his back to press against the mirror. His hands explored feverishly, tearing at buttons along the way, and despite Jem's careful protest he managed to open his shirt.

"Alec..." He breathed tipping his head back while the Prince started to trail a fierce line down Jem's neck, but when he felt Alec's fingers starting to undo his belt his own came quickly to stop him, "Alec stop. We can't." His voice sounded strangely sober, as if all the passion had had turned to fear, but Alec ignored it. He continued to explore the body beneath him, sucking on tender places of his neck that would soon bring a rise back in the moonchild. "Alec…Mmm, Alex." Jem's eyes closed against as he pressed his hips forward wanting Alec to go further, and realizing how badly he too wanted that lonely ache to lift. "Alec my sickness…don't."

"I don't care," The Prince countered his partner's protest, as he returned to his lips in a kiss more passionate then the last that made Jem gasp for air as he finally came back to his senses. When they broke Jem's fingers pulled on Alec's shoulders.

_Again..._

Go," Jem hissed his breath catching in his throat, "Go ahead." He signed then feeling Alec's fingers warm across his wet skin, and the young prince devoured what he could of the exposed flesh. Alec pulled away the fabric as it brought a blush to follow over the shy youth against him. Jem's eyes lowered to fight the warmth away, and the feeling of shame. His body betrayed him, when his heart froze in his chest. This was so wrong, but why did it feel so right?

Alec slowed his motions, and thumbed his way over the edge of Jem's pants. He watched with sated emotions feeling as though he held beneath his palms the very essence of what it was to be innocent again.

"Do you, not want it?" Alec's hands stilled over the flat surface of the other's stomach, and felt how his skin tightened over the contracting muscles beneath it. Slowly he rocked his hips forward pressing into the other man's heat until Jem slowly tilted his head back in a low pressed moan. It was clear he did want it, and Alec was startled to find Jem's hands pull him closer.

Yes, I want it. Alec trailed his fingers over the button of Jem's pants, and slowly started to free his strained erection. He watched Jem's face carefully, sketching every curve of his sweet gentle face; searching for any sign of discomfort. His kind eyes were lowered yet not closed. Jem watched as Alec's slender fingers slowly worked their way down his length, and he felt himself shudder in the pleasure. When Jem worried a lip between his teeth, Alec stilled his, motions in fear of the regret the boy might have. However, Jem only curled further into Alec's strong arms.

"Don't stop." The white haired youth begged, his fingers digging into Alec's bare shoulders, mindful still of the mending cut, but with a fierceness that spoke of his fear and desire building all at once. Alec brought his free hand down to cup Jem's backside, and forced him closer. The mirror that propped Jem acted as their cradle while the marble counter acted as the support, and for this the he was thankful for he felt he could no longer stand.

Alec ran his hand eagerly over the sensitive tip of Jem's cock, and lived in the sounds he made beneath his touch. Jem mewled like a kitten in the affection, but a deep growl waited in the back of his throat to force Alec further should the young lord not obey his body's demands. It was so beautiful to watch, and Alec could not tear his eyes away. However, when Jem felt himself on edge with Alec's rhythmic pumps he tightened his legs around the Prince's hips, and his arms went around his neck. Jem's little whimpers were quieter now with his eyes closed, but with his lips against Alec's neck the sound carried like a song to his ears. It drove him wild.

"God...the sounds you make," Alec sucked air in through his teeth as he tried to hold back his animalistic urge to turn Jem over right there, and fuck him until those little cat like cries echoed over the marble. Alec's voice made Jem open his eyes as he panted, but they felt heavy.

"Do they...not... please you?" Jem asked with his eyes half opened, but they closed again against Alec's now oil slick palm. He feared of Lightwood's answer for he doubted seriously he could contain his pleasure. This felt amazing, but he fought his climax. It wouldn't be proper, but the lavender bath oil warmed under Alec's palm pushed him close. Alec used it to his advantage on his lover, and he could tell it was bringing him close. However, when he watched as Jem bit his lip to try and keep quiet Alec captured him with a kiss.

"No," He panted between kisses, "I want to hear you. It's just...hard." Jem wanted to question his reasons for restrain, but knew deep down Alec bottled every emotion, even the most pleasurable kind. He could see the desperation in the throbbing ache of his manhood, and the way he held back. It scared him a little, but he could take it. Free from his clothes, and this exposed made him vulnerable, but Alec would not hurt him. Not like Will did.

"So," Jem sat up again his wet hair falling in damp strands around his face, "Take me." His trembling fingers fumbled for the bottle of oil, and finally turned it over on his hand to coat Alec's cock while thrusting his fingers down the base. Alec was hesitant until Jem begged, "Please." He moaned arching his back over the marble countertop, and it took everything in the Prince to remind himself to be gentle.

Alec's hands turned Jem while an animal like sound escaped him, and the contents of the counter spilled out onto the floor as Jem was now face down with his reflection staring back at him. He cried out when Alec separated his thighs, and pooled the head of his prick against his entrance. Alec teased him at first only an inch at a time, stretching him slowly while watching his face in the mirror. At the first sign of displeasure he would pull away, but when his entire length was sheathed inside the youth there was nothing but pleasure masking Jem's face.

"Alec," Jem sighed as he pressed his body back when the Prince slowly started to pull away, and took his entire cock again. "Please." He begged, and opened his eyes at best he can to catch Alec's gaze in the mirror. "Don't tease me." Alec could have just to hear him beg for his cock, but it was not long before he thrust himself hard into Jem's body. Jem belted a cry, and met Alec's thrusts with his hips, while riding the length slowly at first. He rose to meet Alec's rhythm while keeping the pace steady. Jem wanted to watch, wanted to see Alec's prick disappear inside him, but he could only catch Alec's reflection.

Over and over again Alec forced himself inside Jem, and fucked him until he was begging for more. His voice echoed off the bathroom walls, escaping into the estate like a phantom's wail, and when Alec knew he was close he wrapped his hand around Jem's pleasure to pump with each thrust. Throwing his body forward he bent to kiss Jem's neck, and to whisper.

"Does it feel good?" He asked thrusting his hand down to the base, and back up again. Jem couldn't answer him with words, but gave a nod. "Yeah?" Alec nibbled on his ear before continuing, "Do you like it when I'm inside you?" Still, Jem could say nothing in return, but whimper his approval, "Then stop fighting me. Cum with me. Stop fighting it. Jem...Mmm…I'm going to-" he felt it begin. Riding the wave of his climax he felt himself explode deep inside his companion, and filled him until his warmth ran between Jem's thighs. He tightened his palm around Jem's prick, and this pushed the child of the moon to his end. He gave a final cry as he shot into Alec's fingers, and could hardly stay on his feet.

Alec used his hot warmth to drag out Jem's pleasure. His wet sticky fingers milked the aftershock, until Jem finally collapsed against the counter. It made Alec sick to think of his lover so spent, but he pulled free from Jem' only enough to turn in his arms.

"Here," Alec soothed feeling Jem tremble from the pleasure, and now the cold air that would settle against their moist skin. "Let me hold you." He kept Jem's petite figure in his arms, and held him against his warm chest. Cradling his lover's face in his hand he let Jem put his head against his shoulder, and whispered sweet nothings of beautiful endearments.

Jem for the first time in many years felt completely safe, and could wager even loved; in Alec's broken way.


End file.
